Faster Than a Speeding Bullet, More Powerful Than a Locomotive, and Funnier than a Comedian...

Ah, kids do say the darnedest things, don't they? The J Man, now two years old, is beginning to have that linguistic explosion that a friend told me his son recently went through. In a previous post, I mentioned that he has named the vacuum cleaner "I-so-po." Well, he has now named one of his trains "A-pa-ka-zar." How did he come up with that? Any way, when he says words like clock, it comes out like "ka-law" because he hasn't quite mastered following a consonant with an "l" yet, and he often neglects to add the last consonant or he adds a vowel sound after the last consonant. So, dog becomes "dog-uh." Enough linguistics! The other day at dinner, he was saying, "Puh-lough" (rhyming with plow). I could not for the life of me figure out what he was saying. Over the course of the meal, the word transformed into "buh-low" (rhyming with low). Then it hit me. When I give him his first several bites, I blow on the food to cool it off. "Blow!" I exclaimed in triumph. He smiled because I had finally understood. Then I proceeded to apologize. I said, "I'm sorry Honey, sometimes it just takes Mommy a while." The next thing out of his mouth was, "Suh-low" which is how he says "slow." I about lost it. Who knew the boy had such a sense of humor at two?! But he is right. I am suh-low, especially since I am a dabbler in linguistics. I have no problem with so many foreign languages, but give me toddler-speak, and I'm lost.

Ode to a Mom
There once was a woman named Flo
Who kept running around on the go
She had so much to do
'Cause her son just turned two
E'en in fast mode she still was too slow

A Free and Easy Way to Feed the Hungry

My Mother-in-law recently came to visit. While she was here, she told me about a website that gives free food to the hungry. When you visit the site, you click on a button. Once you've clicked, they donate a cup of food to the hungry. You don't have to give your name, email address, postal address or anything--just click the button. It's free, it's easy, and best of all, it gives a cup of food to hungry people. The only caveat is that you can only click the button once per day. So spread the word. Here's the website: thehungersite.com.

Stronger Than a Locomotive

The J Man is due to turn two this month; then I can no longer say I have two under two. He has been quite busy lately. If he's not looking at his books, he's busy throwing things or beating his head against something. Well, yesterday it was me. He was upset and beating his head against both the floor and the wall, so I tried to calm him down and soothe him. It didn't work. He reared his head back and cracked me in the head. Double O Daddy grabbed the boy and I grabbed my face and fell to the ground. My glasses were bent and my head was in excruciating pain. (And I thought labor was bad!) Fortunately the J Man was OK. I, on the other hand, am not. It has been over 24 hours and my head still hurts. At least my vision is back to normal. OK, so when the boy grows up a little more, we're signing him up for football.

Also as you probably know, the J Man is quite the little MacGyver/Houdini. Yesterday, while I was waiting for Double O Daddy to get home from work, J Man was in his room, Pretty Girl was in the family room, and I was with her nursing my wounds trying to make sure I could still see straight. Well, when Double O went upstairs to check on the boy, he discovered the J Man standing in our bedroom fine as could be and the gate (the one he had installed across the boy's bedroom door) leaning against the door frame. It had been removed and set back up... by the boy! OK, so not only did he crack me in the head without injuring himself, but he also removed a tightly installed child-proof gate from across his doorway. Well at least he's got his own theme music. *MacGyver music can be heard softly in the background...*

More Things I Never Thought I'd Say

Since I have become a parent, I have said so many things that I never imagined I would ever need to say. I mentioned some in a previous post. Well, here are the latest, and please keep in mind that Pretty Girl is 7 months old and the J Man is going on 23 months old.

1) "Don't de-pants your brother!" (Pretty Girl loves the J Man, so whenever he's within arms reach, she lunges at him and usually gets his pants.)

2) "Stop grabbing my _____." (It's not that the word itself is bad, it's just I'm too embarrassed to type it.)

3) "Don't throw the scooter into the kitchen!"

4) "Stop letting your brother drag you around the family room floor!" (Pretty Girl had lunged at her brother, grabbed on to his pants, and was not letting go. So, when he tried to get away, he began to drag her around the floor before I could get to them.)

5) "Now the key to good kissing is to not bite the other person's lips."

6) "Don't palm your sister's head!"

7) "Stop licking my knees!"

Yes, parenting is definitely an adventure into the unknown and the unthinkable. But I do love it.

Limericks Anyone?

Ok, it's time for a new post. And wouldn't you know, I'm on a limerick kick. So, here goes...

First, some Zelenka ones...

There is a great doctor named Radek
Who keeps his boss Rodney in check
He takes Rodney's rap
Throws it back in his lap
Without him old Rodney'd wreak havoc


For Pookey:
Zelenka's a brilliant young Czech
Who finds Rodney a pain in the neck
I can't blame him there
And I do love his hair
To Atlantis for him I would trek


There was on Atlantis a smartie
Who'd rather play chess than to party
He's sweet and not terse
But in Czech he would curse
When dealing with ninnies like Rodney


For some other Gate Worlders...

Now Pookey has such a cute name
Pyromania, apparently her fame
She's a perky young girl
Who perused the Gate World
While her kitchen went up with a flame


There was a Gate Worlder from Belgium
Who posted that he thought it was dumb
To put out a fire
With footwear attire
And turned his nice sneakers to gum gum


There was a commander named Sil
Showed intelligence, promise, and skill
She took her inhaler
And that really made her
Like Wile E. upon earthquake pills


And finally, some miscellaneous ones.

There was a young woman named Bess
Who wore a pink polka-dot dress
Though her husband complained
In the dress she remained
Divorce lawyers took care of the rest


There was a young piper named Fyffe
Who carried a scabbard and knife
In error one day
The knife he did play
And it most nearly cost him his life


There once was a seamstress named Sue
Whose thread all mysteriously turned blue
She began mending jeans
'Til the holes were unseen
Now seriously, what else could she do?


There was a duck hunter named Joe
Whose finger was terribly slow
His friend told him to fire
So he aimed so much higher
But still shot his buddy below.


I'm crazy, I'm wacko, I'm nuts
No ifs, no ands, and no buts
I went off my rocker
No books in my locker
And I'm spinning around like a klutz


There once was a girl from Paris
She stayed in the bathroom 'til 3
When asked, "What'd you do?
Are things alright with you?"
She simply replied, "Mais, oui oui!"


Ok, I'm done... for now.

If you actually made it to this point in the post, you either like my limericks or you're a masochist. If the former is the case, feel free to visit Stargate LIMERICKS!!! and Zelenka / Nykl Fans where you can find these and more.

Please Support a Worthy Organization

This post will be a little bit different from others I have posted. I apologize for the seriousness of this post, but I am so upset, I don't know what else to do. You see, my husband and I moved into our first house last year. After we got the utilities hooked up and the phone connected, we started receiving calls for the previous owners of our phone number. That is to be expected. And really, most companies are so nice about removing you from their list once they realize that you are not the people with whom they have previously done business. (I mean, it seems silly to renew a warranty on a boat that you don't have, right?)

Well, after a few months, the phone calls ended for all companies except for one, Amvets. Knowing that they are a charity, I tried to be nice. I explained that the people for whom they were calling no longer owned this phone number and that I did not even live on the same street or even in the same part of town that they do. And, I asked to have the number removed from their call list. Each time the person said they would and hung up. (Sigh) Yet the calls continued.

As you know, I now have two beautiful babies under two. If they are not napping, then I am changing them, feeding them, or running after them. It is terribly difficult to get the phone within the first few rings. And whenever the phone does ring, I fear that it might be my husband with something important. Also, since my health is not the best, I hate not to get his phone calls for fear that he would think I were in medical distress. Thus, it is extremely frustrating for me to run to the phone only to find out that it is Amvets calling for the previous owners who have not had this phone number for over a year.

Since my asking the organization to stop calling had no effect, I sent an email to Jim King, the National Executive Director of the organization. Yet I am still receiving calls. I filed a complaint with the Do Not Call Registry and announced my complaint in another email to the NED. Yet I am still receiving calls. I was, however, copied on an email from someone within the organization who sent my issue to someone else. I have heard nothing since, and I am still receiving calls.

The law states that even if your phone number is on the Do Not Call Registry, charities may still call you unless you ask them not to (which I have done repeatedly). As it is, I have never had any dealings with Amvets before. I did not give them my phone number, and I have never given them permission to call me. Even the person who called me today from Amvets said that other people were complaining about being called after asking not to be contacted. Amvets has a problem within their organization that needs to be fixed. And it makes me wonder, if they have these kinds of problems in one area of their organization, how many other problems do they have? Are the donations even doing any good?

As a result, I am asking everyone I know and everyone I can reach to stop donating to Amvets because by doing so, they are supporting an organization that harasses people and shows blatant disregard for the law. And if you aren't donating, you may not want to start. Once they get your phone number, they will never stop calling. Instead, please donate to someone else. There are many terrific charities out there who would gladly accept your support.

You may think I am calloused and maybe even evil by asking people not to support Amvets, but they are driving me crazy. Perhaps I have a low tolerance, I don't know. Regardless, it doesn't matter. The fact is that I asked them to stop calling and they didn't--and won't. Maybe if their donations suffer, they will care enough to fix the problems that they have with their organization.

Again, please support a worthy charity, not one that harasses potential donors like Amvets.

Thank you.

Faster than a Speeding Bullet

As you are probably aware, I fondly call my son the J Man as if he were a superhero. Well, yesterday Double O Daddy and I discovered just one more of his super powers (that is besides his uncanny ability to pull MacGyverisms and Houdini himself out of the high chair straps). We have come to realize that given the right code phrase, our precious J Man is faster than a speeding bullet. Now please note that it is only by using the proper code phrase that our little cherub is able to break the sound barrier. What is the secret phrase, you ask? "Let me check your diaper." (Of course I cannot help but chuckle as I type this.) As soon as I uttered that phrase, his cute little arms came up and he ran for the safety of the corner behind his bed as fast as his little legs could take him. As I began to laugh, I explained the situation to Double O while he was coming from the stairs, so he had to try it. Sure enough, with a puff of smoke, the boy took off for his favorite safety spot.

After trying it a couple more times, Double O Daddy decided to play with the boy and alter the code phrase a little. First he said, "Let me check your diamonds." The arms lifted and he took a step toward his hideout, but then he stopped. Then Double O said, "Let me check your diabetes." Again, the arms lifted and he took a step. Finally, he said, "Let me check your diaper!" and off he ran. Oh man, I absolutely love my kids!

J Man-ese

Wow, the J Man just turned 21 months old last week. Where has all the time gone? Anyway, he finally started saying "No" a week or so ago. Because of that, Double O Daddy is telling people that life as we know it has now ended. But the truth is, he isn't using it in context yet. Yet. (*Chuckle*) He also says it in a sing-songy voice and sometimes with an "m" on the end as if he is saying "gnome."

A few months ago, his favorite phrase was "It's ok" which sometimes sounds like "Isaac A." Today, he has been saying "I say yes." I must admit though that I was most impressed when he started saying "Hop Pop" whenever he wanted me to read him the book "Hop on Pop." He's also been saying "Hop op op oh." Can you guess what that means? I'll give you a hint, he likes Sandra Boynton books. Yes, that means hippopotamus.

The most intriguing word he says is "I so po." I noticed that unlike the other gibberish that he continues to spout throughout the day, he says "I so po" over and over. I figured that it must mean something, so I thought and thought and thought. "It's so po..." "I so po...." What on earth could the boy be saying? Then one day, he stood near the gate, held out his arm, and while opening and closing his fist said, "I so po." Then, I knew what he meant. Do you remember my post on June 3rd entitled "Everyone's a Critic?" Well, since then, the boy has been absolutely obsessed with the vacuum cleaner. It scares him so that he shakes and runs, but he loves it and asks for me to use it every single day. Yes, "I so po" means vacuum cleaner. Who woulda thunk it? I guess the boy is just creating his own language when the actual words are too difficult to pronounce. But what can I say, he comes by it honestly--this coming from the girl who called Pinocchio "Uh luck a luck."

Stargate Motivational Posters

I know this has absolutely nothing to do with anything, but it was so much fun that I couldn't help sharing. While I was perusing the web the other day, I came across a thread where people made motivational posters with Stargate pictures and/or sayings. Here's the link if you want to check it out for yourself: http://forum.gateworld.net/showthread.php?t=44241. And here's the website they listed to create your own posters: http://bighugelabs.com/motivator.php. I even came up with a few myself as you can see below...

I hope you like them.

Tripping Down Memory Lane

Last night I had a dream. (I'm leaving off the adjectives for now because choosing just one to describe this thing I had is just too much of a challenge in the time I have.) In this dream, I was at a mall where they were setting up for a scifi convention. (Gee, I wonder where I got that idea--see Letters from Pegasus, which I follow.) In the distance I could see some of the celebrities signing autographs for a few people who had already begun to gather. I noticed David Nykl was among them. He was wearing a white button-down, long sleeved shirt with thin light brown lines running horizontally and vertically making one inch squares across the fabric. Oh, and he had the moustache that he sported in a picture at the aforementioned link. (My dreams are very vivid and detailed, but just wait...) I was excited about seeing David Nykl, but I didn't want to look like an idiot and rush right over, so I decided to play it cool and wait for him at the next place he was scheduled to be. Well, I turned around to go there and saw him in front of me. For some reason, I thought it would be fun to barely brush his shoulder ("accidentally" of course) as I passed by. After I passed him, I began to run like a nit so as to get a good spot in line. I figured he wouldn't see me then, but he turned around and said, "Hey you with the go-go boots and hat, run this way later..." I looked down and saw what I was wearing. Oh, my gosh! I was wearing my mother's brown boots from the 70's with the clunky heels. (But instead of zipping up as hers actually did, these just pulled up--like go-go boots. And yes, I did have a pair of go-go boots in the 70's. Mine were white though.) As my eyes moved up my body, I noticed that I was also wearing my Mom's polyester shirt with the brown lines forming a "V" right in the middle. It had the big collar and matching belt tie. And of course to top it off, I was wearing my mother's crocheted winter hat with the crocheted bill and the big pom pon on top, except this one was brown and not orange. What a dork! (me, not him). I wanted to die.

Now, please note that when it comes to fashion, I hated the 70's. In my opinion, there were absolutely no redeeming features. I detest polyester (for myself anyway), which I was made to wear until the 80's because of an allergy to cotton that (Thank You God) I outgrew in 1974. (Yes, do the math.) I also cannot stand wearing brown or orange. My mother looks absolutely great in both, but me, well, let's just say I would have been better off naked and letting my long hair create a Lady Godiva effect. In this dream, I could feel my entire body covered with synthetic fabric. Ugh! So not only did I want to die of embarrassment, but I also desperately wanted to strip--and that takes a lot considering how modest I am.

If I were to tell Double O Daddy the whole dream, he would likely say what he usually says when I tell him my dreams, "Stop eating chili after 9." But, I suppose the real culprit here is the fact that I am due to turn 40 next week. You know, it's strange. All my life I have wanted to be older, and I have always looked forward to birthdays. When I was a kid (under 18), every birthday meant one day closer to being 18 and freedom. (I won't tell you what kind of freedom I mean, but I will tell you it's not what you think.) After I was 18, I felt that each birthday would bring me one year closer to being respected by others. And although that is not entirely the case, I will say that I feel that people respect me more now than they did then and certainly more than anyone ever did when I was a kid. And now, I don't really care if anyone else respects me because I respect myself. Sure, I've made mistakes--who hasn't? But, I think that even though I still have so many more improvements to make, I am happy with many of the ones I've made so far. And I respect myself because I keep on trying.

Back to birthdays... This is the first birthday that I have ever felt "old." I know that 40 isn't really old, but after having two kids within the last three years and wondering if my latest bout of nausea (that has lasted for the past three days) is something more than a bad burrito--not to mention a bad knee, bursitis, and a bad back--I feel so much older than I actually am. (If I am pregnant, then I think I must have looked at that photo of Paul McGillion too long--see my earlier post entitled, "I Dream of Paul McGillion?" Thanks, Paul.) Oh well, that's life. I just hope I didn't break my nose tripping down memory lane.

Things I Didn't Know Before I Had Kids

You know, there are so many things I didn't know before I had kids. (And there are still so many more I have yet to discover I'm sure.) For instance, I had no idea that for a child, selecting a Crispix from the cereal bowl was more stringent a process than selecting the next Miss USA. It's true. Here's something else I didn't know: children can start training for the Olympics in their own homes before they're even 12 months old. I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't seen it, but the J Man practices his discus throw on a regular basis. He may throw things backwards, but he's got great form. I also didn't know that a child less than five months old could do what I like to call "motor boating" where the child uses wet lips to make the sound of a motor boat engine--even with a bottle in her mouth. Nor did I know that a child could effectively get pinned in a child safety gate. Yep, the J Man (who is a big MacGyver fan and Angus wanna be) got his arm stuck between the wall and the child safety gate trying to open the basement door from this side of the gate. But I've got to hand it to him (no pun intended), after a few moments of wailing and tears, he went right back over to the gate and quite successfully started trying to open the basement door with his other arm. We would put a safety door knob cover on the door, but he learned how to pull those off months ago. (Did I say MacGyver wanna be?)

Speaking of MacGyver, I guess you really have to be careful of what you watch while your children are young and even while they are in the womb. Yes, when the J Man was only a few months old, I discovered the joy of hulu.com and fancast.com. We watched all of the MacGyver episodes they had. It was nice since I had missed them all the first time around. (During the years that I was in school, I really didn't watch any television.) Anyway, now, the kid thinks he's MacGyver. I guess it's not a bad thing that my child aspires to be like Mac, so I guess I lucked out on that one. It's just going to be a little tough during the toddler years. Oh, and I put Pretty Girl's outgrown bassinet in the way of the basement door so he can't open it. So far, it's working.

Here's another case in point. This last Christmas (while I was very pregnant with Pretty Girl), I received season 1-4 of Stargate Atlantis. I watched them faithfully whenever I needed a break, had to eat, or found a little time after the J Man went to bed. So, what happened? Pretty Girl was born on David Nykl's birthday. It was her choice, I had nothing to do with it. In fact, the doctors tried to induce her twice, but she wouldn't budge. I rather think it's kind of nice though; after all, he is my favorite, and I guess she must like him too. (But come on, who doesn't?) So, I guess I lucked out again.

I Dream of Paul McGillion?

Let me preface this post by saying that I quite often have very vivid, yet very weird dreams. In fact, anything, yes, anything can happen. That being said...

The other night, I dreamt that I was at my childhood church. I was about 20 and had two kids but was unmarried (in the dream, not in real life), and I don't recall any details as to who the father was or exactly how it came about that I had two kids. I just did. (You know how dreams are.) Anyway, while I was there, I saw my friend Paul McGillion who was also 20. (In my dream he was not a celebrity, just a friend and nothing more.) He put his arm around me in just a casual, friendly fashion and I felt a kick. Apparently, he was, well, um, potent (that's the word I'm going with) enough to cause my body to instantaneously conceive all by itself. (Where's the fun in that?) Later, when I tried to tell him what had happened, it happened again. So now, I was carrying two. Of course by this time, I was afraid to talk to him in any way except by telephone.

The next morning (now back to real life), I told Double O Daddy that I hadn't slept very well because I was dreaming, and I told him about it. I assured him that there was no funny business going on in the dream, but he didn't seem too worried about that. His response was a very casual, "Stop eating chili after 9 o'clock." Thank you Jeff Foxworthy.

Golly. Ah well, I suppose it's all Paul's fault anyway. I mean look at that photo. But I guess I better not look too long, huh?


P.S. If Paul M. ever reads this, I hope he's flattered and as good a sport as David N. was a few weeks ago. Thanks in advance.

It's Your Turn

As I was daydreaming today (a necessary part of keeping my sanity), I was wondering, "If I could be a superhero, what kind would I be? What kind of powers would I have, and what would I call myself?" Then I thought, "What if I could touch someone and make them fall asleep?" (You can tell I dream big, can't you? And wouldn't that be a lonely life???) I guess then my nickname would be "The ________." [Insert whatever you want. I deleted what I originally had because I wouldn't want to offend anyone here.] Hmmm, maybe I could become invisible and pass through walls. I suppose then I could call myself something like "The Specter." Wouldn't that make for a great spy? But then I'm sure I would see a lot of things I didn't want to see, especially if I'm not paying attention to where I'm going. Well, what if I could make people see things that weren't really there? I could call myself "Mirage." That sounds cool, but I don't know. I've heard it said that one should always go with one's talents. OK, then I suppose it's obvious what my superpowers would be (at least according to Double O Daddy anyway). I'd have the uncanny ability to nag any husband to death in a single sentence while I'm slamming him with the next. Yeah, I could do that in my sleep. But what would my nickname be??? Any suggestions?

Now it's your turn. I would love to know what kind of superhero (or villain) you would be if you had the choice. What would your powers be? And be sure to tell me what cool nickname you would have. I would love to hear what you have to say. (Just please, keep it clean. Thanks.)

Today is Someday...

Hello again. It has been one of those days. Nothing is really wrong except that the J Man has been sent to the penalty box for the second time today. Sigh. Anyway, have you ever been doing what you always do and then something happens or someone says something that triggers a memory that you'd rather not remember? Well, that has happened to me twice today. I wish that I could just permanently forget these things. I want to tell someone, but talking doesn't help. No one wants to hear about it anyway. Nothing makes it go away, and no one has ever been able to help me. So, I guess I'll just watch some Zelenka videos on YouTube. He always makes me smile. Wait, that's it. In my first post, I said that Radek Zelenka was my favorite character and that maybe someday I would tell you why. Well, today is someday...

What I like about Radek Zelenka...

1) He's brilliant.

2) He's modest, humble, and mild mannered.

3) He's an underdog and unsung hero.

4) He and Dr. Carson Beckett are the sweetest two guys in Atlantis.

5) He's got a great accent. (He can "Talk Zelenka" to me any time.)

(Hey, I'm smiling! I knew it would work!)

6) He and Dr. Beckett are both very gentle. (Have you ever seen Zelenka touch a keyboard? No pounding. In fact, I can't imagine him ever hitting or handling anything roughly.)

7) He puts up with Rodney.

(OK, now I'm chuckling.)

8) He's a medvidek. (Sorry, I did the best I could with English characters.)

9) I like his hair. (I won't tell you why, but I do.)

10) I'm partial to blue eyes. (Dr. Beckett has them too.)

(Oh, and can you tell who my second favorite character is?)

11) He's considerate. (Watch the opening of Identity.)

12) He has a nice smile.

13 & 14) I won't tell you.

15) He's generally quiet (except when he's cursing in Czech).

16) He speaks Czech. (Any foreign language is a plus, and a Slavic one is even better.)

17) He's cute (especially when he's being bashful).

18, 19, and 20) I won't tell you.

(Now I'm laughing.)

21) He's funny.

22) I love his facial expressions, eye movements, and hand gestures.

23) He's not arrogant and never asks for any recognition or applause.

24) He looks good clean-shaven or with stubble. (Most men are one way or the other.)

25) He's a good worker.

26) He never says anything bad about anyone (except Rodney, but let's face it, he deserves it).

27) He seldom complains (except to himself in Czech and usually about Rodney).

28) I plead the 5th.

29) He would only lose a certain game to one other person. (Sorry, I can't tell you.)

30 & 31) Something else I won't tell you.

32) He's selfless (as when he tried to go to the satellite Wraith zapper thingy in The Siege. Don't you love it when I use technical language?)

33) I think he would be a wonderful friend.

34) He's an all around nice guy and a good person.



OK, just to be fair, here are the things I don't like about Radek Zelenka...

1) He's not real.

2) He doesn't like kids. (He hasn't exactly had much experience with good ones though, so I can't really fault him for that.)

3) It seems like he's always getting zapped (Tao of Rodney, Quarantine...) or injured (Adrift, Identity...) (Each time I say, "Don't kill/hurt Zelenka!!!")

4) He never gets a girlfriend or even a kiss on the cheek for pity sake. (What's that about? If Rodney can get Allina (The Brotherhood), Katie, and Dr. Keller to like him, then why can't Radek have a love interest?)

5) Hmmmm... Nope, I suppose that's it.



OK, so I'm feeling a lot better now. Thanks a lot to the writers of Stargate Atlantis for creating and of course to David Nykl for playing such a wonderful, lovable character.


P.S. Just in case you were wondering, no, I'm not in love with Zelenka. I like him a lot, but that's it. And all the "I won't tell you" lines were just for fun. I needed a good mischievous laugh. Thanks in advance to David Nykl for being such a good sport.

Everyone's a Critic

As you know, I am a homemaker and as such I am responsible for most of the housework. (Double O Daddy really helps me out with tough stuff.) Anyway, the other day I wanted to get some vacuuming done in the family room. Normally, I wait until the J Man has gone to bed and Pretty Girl is either awake downstairs or asleep in her crib. However, the planets had not aligned on that for a while, so I thought I would take a chance and vacuum while the J Man was awake and in the same room. That was daring. I must admit though that he took it very well. He stayed up on the couch and watched me as I moved his toys and vacuumed here and there. When I was finished, I put the vacuum away in the other room where it is just visible beyond one of the child gates we have set up for his protection (and my sanity).

Today, as the J Man was playing in the family room, he took my hand and led me to the gate between that room and the vacuum cleaner. Curious to see what he wanted, I led him through. He led me straight back to the vacuum cleaner. When I held him up, he wouldn't touch it nor would he let me put his hand on it. So, I took him back to the family room. Moments later, he was back at the gate beating his fists together and pointing at the vacuum cleaner. (Beating his fists together is his own sign for "I want.") Now, we are trying to get the cute little bugger to talk, so I didn't take him to it. But he persisted. Finally, I got the vacuum cleaner and plugged it in. The J Man went straight for the safety of the couch. As I started to vacuum, I turned to Double O Daddy and said, "Now I'm getting nagged by my kids to do housework, and he doesn't even speak yet!" (Of course I said it with a big smile on my face, and of course, Double O Daddy started to chuckle.) I guess everyone's a critic.

The Adventures of J Man

My kids are great. (I know every parent thinks that about their kids, or they should anyway.) J Man loves videos. He especially likes Novi Ierusalim (see novij.com). He gets that from me. He also likes anything with buttons or switches. Unfortunately, I can't always keep him from pushing or flipping them because I do have to feed Pretty Girl sometime. Yeah, he likes to get up on the love seat, lean over as far as he can, and flip the switch to the fireplace. Well, Double-O-Daddy took care of that this week. He swapped out the face plate with a blank. Now the boy just looks at it and fondly thinks of days gone by.

The J lair is another issue. It was a bit of bad planning on my part to put the changing table under the light switch. Yep, rookie mistake. Of course I thought the worst of it was just keeping the boy in the right position while trying to change him. Nope. One night when the J Man had captured a pretty nasty super villain (that's my story, and I'm sticking to it), he decided to flip the switch while I was in the middle of doing the paperwork for incarceration. Yep, I had two legs in one hand, a full confession statement in the other, and no light. Oy!

He was really cute the other day though. For some reason, he likes to be startled and he likes to be chased. Well, I had him up in the ball room (a room that is empty except for balls and a few other toys so it's is safe for the J Man to throw, kick, and play), and I decided to tire him out a little. As I began to chase him with my characteristic "Gonna Getcha Hand" (outstretched arm and wiggling fingers), he squealed with glee, threw his arms above his head, and ran for the safety of the closet. Unfortunately though, he wasn't looking where he was going and smacked right into the back of the closet. His arms were still above his head and it looked just like a cartoon. He seemed OK (he was still giggling), so I laughed. I just couldn't help it.

These kids bring me so much joy. I wish I could post pictures, but Double-O-Daddy said no. (I suppose it's a national security issue.) But take it from me, they are cute!

Things I Never Thought I'd...

Hello again. You know, life never ceases to amaze me. I'm not talking about the awe-inspiring type of amazement like the Grand Canyon, a rainbow, or Mt. Rushmore. I'm talking about the "I can't believe this is actually happening" and "I'm going to laugh about this later" variety. And it seems that some of the things that amaze me most have happened after I've had children. For instance, there have been things that I never ever would have imagined myself saying or doing until after I had children and actually did them. I'm sure those of you who have these sweet little ankle-biting blessings completely understand. Here are just a few things I never thought I'd _______ (fill in the blank with a nice verb), that is until I had kids...

1) I never thought I'd have to tell someone, "Stop dancing on my chest." And believe it or not I was standing up at the time.

2) I never thought I'd hear myself say, "Get your foot out of the baby food jar!" That was before I started using a high chair. Can you imagine a baby trying to stick his foot into a jar of green beans while I'm trying to feed him? Ah, the J Man, he is a cutie.

3) Speaking of green beans, I never thought I'd have to clean baby food off of the wall above the sliding patio door. Yep. Cleaning it off of the floor and vertical blinds below was the easy part.

4) I never thought I'd find food on several sides of my computer. Come to think of it, the food was green beans. Hmm, I'm beginning to sense a theme here. I'm just glad he likes the orange vegetables.

And I know that these little tidbits will not be the last or even the greatest amazements, but with two kids under two, I'm still new to this parenting thing. I'm just trying to enjoy this time of peace before my son learns to flush the toilet... Ugh!

It's Finally Nap Time

Hello. I'll start by saying, "Forgive me now" because I am new to this sort of thing and have no idea what I'm doing. Well, not NO idea, just not much of one yet. Sorry, I'm chuckling because that is one of my favorite lines from a TV show that both my husband and I have enjoyed for years, Stargate SG-1. Does anyone else out there watch it? How about Stargate Atlantis? Yes, I'm a fan, and I'm sure I'm not alone. (Between you and me, Dr. Zelenka is my favorite character from the Stargate franchise. Maybe I'll tell you why someday.)

Anyway, I suppose I should tell you a little bit about myself so I don't lose you somewhere along the way. I am a 39 year old housewife with two kids under two. (Since they have been born, I feel more like I'm 59.) My husband is very private, so I won't tell you much about him. (If I told you, well, you know.) My kids, well, I have a boy (18 months old) and a girl (almost 3 months old). They occupy most of my time from morning 'til night, but they are so worth it. I call him "J Man" and her "Pretty Girl."

As for me, well, I'm pretty boring for the most part, but like a dictionary, I can be pretty handy to have around on those rare occasions. For instance, I love foreign languages. Whenever the TV has people speaking in a language I've studied, I either translate for lack of subtitles, or I tell people if the subtitles are correct. (You would be surprised.) I can also be amusing every so often for two reasons. One, I can wiggle my nose. Well, it's more like I wiggle my upper lip and the nose just goes along for the ride. It's great when people stare at me. I just start wiggling, and it usually makes them smile. ("Gotcha!") Two, I hiccup. No, it's not the usual full chest heaving hiccup that most people think of when they hear the word. No, I squeak, and I squeak often. People can't help but laugh. Oh, here are the top six things people have said to me (in jest) when they hear me hiccup:

6) What is that?
5) God Bless You.
4) You've got a squeaky toy behind your back, don't you?
3) You're worse than a yippie dog.
2) You sound like a squirrel with its tail caught in the door.
1) Where's the Wd40!

And fortunately or unfortunately, both my kids take after me on that. More than once, we have sat down together and been hiccupping at the same time. Oh well, it's a lot better than some of the traits I could have given them.

Yikes, it's almost 5:30! Since my son will be waking up any minute, I suppose I had better wrap it up for now. It was nice talking with you. I hope I get to do it again.