Faster Than a Speeding Bullet, More Powerful Than a Locomotive, and Funnier than a Comedian...

Ah, kids do say the darnedest things, don't they? The J Man, now two years old, is beginning to have that linguistic explosion that a friend told me his son recently went through. In a previous post, I mentioned that he has named the vacuum cleaner "I-so-po." Well, he has now named one of his trains "A-pa-ka-zar." How did he come up with that? Any way, when he says words like clock, it comes out like "ka-law" because he hasn't quite mastered following a consonant with an "l" yet, and he often neglects to add the last consonant or he adds a vowel sound after the last consonant. So, dog becomes "dog-uh." Enough linguistics! The other day at dinner, he was saying, "Puh-lough" (rhyming with plow). I could not for the life of me figure out what he was saying. Over the course of the meal, the word transformed into "buh-low" (rhyming with low). Then it hit me. When I give him his first several bites, I blow on the food to cool it off. "Blow!" I exclaimed in triumph. He smiled because I had finally understood. Then I proceeded to apologize. I said, "I'm sorry Honey, sometimes it just takes Mommy a while." The next thing out of his mouth was, "Suh-low" which is how he says "slow." I about lost it. Who knew the boy had such a sense of humor at two?! But he is right. I am suh-low, especially since I am a dabbler in linguistics. I have no problem with so many foreign languages, but give me toddler-speak, and I'm lost.

Ode to a Mom
There once was a woman named Flo
Who kept running around on the go
She had so much to do
'Cause her son just turned two
E'en in fast mode she still was too slow

A Free and Easy Way to Feed the Hungry

My Mother-in-law recently came to visit. While she was here, she told me about a website that gives free food to the hungry. When you visit the site, you click on a button. Once you've clicked, they donate a cup of food to the hungry. You don't have to give your name, email address, postal address or anything--just click the button. It's free, it's easy, and best of all, it gives a cup of food to hungry people. The only caveat is that you can only click the button once per day. So spread the word. Here's the website: thehungersite.com.

Stronger Than a Locomotive

The J Man is due to turn two this month; then I can no longer say I have two under two. He has been quite busy lately. If he's not looking at his books, he's busy throwing things or beating his head against something. Well, yesterday it was me. He was upset and beating his head against both the floor and the wall, so I tried to calm him down and soothe him. It didn't work. He reared his head back and cracked me in the head. Double O Daddy grabbed the boy and I grabbed my face and fell to the ground. My glasses were bent and my head was in excruciating pain. (And I thought labor was bad!) Fortunately the J Man was OK. I, on the other hand, am not. It has been over 24 hours and my head still hurts. At least my vision is back to normal. OK, so when the boy grows up a little more, we're signing him up for football.

Also as you probably know, the J Man is quite the little MacGyver/Houdini. Yesterday, while I was waiting for Double O Daddy to get home from work, J Man was in his room, Pretty Girl was in the family room, and I was with her nursing my wounds trying to make sure I could still see straight. Well, when Double O went upstairs to check on the boy, he discovered the J Man standing in our bedroom fine as could be and the gate (the one he had installed across the boy's bedroom door) leaning against the door frame. It had been removed and set back up... by the boy! OK, so not only did he crack me in the head without injuring himself, but he also removed a tightly installed child-proof gate from across his doorway. Well at least he's got his own theme music. *MacGyver music can be heard softly in the background...*

More Things I Never Thought I'd Say

Since I have become a parent, I have said so many things that I never imagined I would ever need to say. I mentioned some in a previous post. Well, here are the latest, and please keep in mind that Pretty Girl is 7 months old and the J Man is going on 23 months old.

1) "Don't de-pants your brother!" (Pretty Girl loves the J Man, so whenever he's within arms reach, she lunges at him and usually gets his pants.)

2) "Stop grabbing my _____." (It's not that the word itself is bad, it's just I'm too embarrassed to type it.)

3) "Don't throw the scooter into the kitchen!"

4) "Stop letting your brother drag you around the family room floor!" (Pretty Girl had lunged at her brother, grabbed on to his pants, and was not letting go. So, when he tried to get away, he began to drag her around the floor before I could get to them.)

5) "Now the key to good kissing is to not bite the other person's lips."

6) "Don't palm your sister's head!"

7) "Stop licking my knees!"

Yes, parenting is definitely an adventure into the unknown and the unthinkable. But I do love it.

Limericks Anyone?

Ok, it's time for a new post. And wouldn't you know, I'm on a limerick kick. So, here goes...

First, some Zelenka ones...

There is a great doctor named Radek
Who keeps his boss Rodney in check
He takes Rodney's rap
Throws it back in his lap
Without him old Rodney'd wreak havoc


For Pookey:
Zelenka's a brilliant young Czech
Who finds Rodney a pain in the neck
I can't blame him there
And I do love his hair
To Atlantis for him I would trek


There was on Atlantis a smartie
Who'd rather play chess than to party
He's sweet and not terse
But in Czech he would curse
When dealing with ninnies like Rodney


For some other Gate Worlders...

Now Pookey has such a cute name
Pyromania, apparently her fame
She's a perky young girl
Who perused the Gate World
While her kitchen went up with a flame


There was a Gate Worlder from Belgium
Who posted that he thought it was dumb
To put out a fire
With footwear attire
And turned his nice sneakers to gum gum


There was a commander named Sil
Showed intelligence, promise, and skill
She took her inhaler
And that really made her
Like Wile E. upon earthquake pills


And finally, some miscellaneous ones.

There was a young woman named Bess
Who wore a pink polka-dot dress
Though her husband complained
In the dress she remained
Divorce lawyers took care of the rest


There was a young piper named Fyffe
Who carried a scabbard and knife
In error one day
The knife he did play
And it most nearly cost him his life


There once was a seamstress named Sue
Whose thread all mysteriously turned blue
She began mending jeans
'Til the holes were unseen
Now seriously, what else could she do?


There was a duck hunter named Joe
Whose finger was terribly slow
His friend told him to fire
So he aimed so much higher
But still shot his buddy below.


I'm crazy, I'm wacko, I'm nuts
No ifs, no ands, and no buts
I went off my rocker
No books in my locker
And I'm spinning around like a klutz


There once was a girl from Paris
She stayed in the bathroom 'til 3
When asked, "What'd you do?
Are things alright with you?"
She simply replied, "Mais, oui oui!"


Ok, I'm done... for now.

If you actually made it to this point in the post, you either like my limericks or you're a masochist. If the former is the case, feel free to visit Stargate LIMERICKS!!! and Zelenka / Nykl Fans where you can find these and more.

Please Support a Worthy Organization

This post will be a little bit different from others I have posted. I apologize for the seriousness of this post, but I am so upset, I don't know what else to do. You see, my husband and I moved into our first house last year. After we got the utilities hooked up and the phone connected, we started receiving calls for the previous owners of our phone number. That is to be expected. And really, most companies are so nice about removing you from their list once they realize that you are not the people with whom they have previously done business. (I mean, it seems silly to renew a warranty on a boat that you don't have, right?)

Well, after a few months, the phone calls ended for all companies except for one, Amvets. Knowing that they are a charity, I tried to be nice. I explained that the people for whom they were calling no longer owned this phone number and that I did not even live on the same street or even in the same part of town that they do. And, I asked to have the number removed from their call list. Each time the person said they would and hung up. (Sigh) Yet the calls continued.

As you know, I now have two beautiful babies under two. If they are not napping, then I am changing them, feeding them, or running after them. It is terribly difficult to get the phone within the first few rings. And whenever the phone does ring, I fear that it might be my husband with something important. Also, since my health is not the best, I hate not to get his phone calls for fear that he would think I were in medical distress. Thus, it is extremely frustrating for me to run to the phone only to find out that it is Amvets calling for the previous owners who have not had this phone number for over a year.

Since my asking the organization to stop calling had no effect, I sent an email to Jim King, the National Executive Director of the organization. Yet I am still receiving calls. I filed a complaint with the Do Not Call Registry and announced my complaint in another email to the NED. Yet I am still receiving calls. I was, however, copied on an email from someone within the organization who sent my issue to someone else. I have heard nothing since, and I am still receiving calls.

The law states that even if your phone number is on the Do Not Call Registry, charities may still call you unless you ask them not to (which I have done repeatedly). As it is, I have never had any dealings with Amvets before. I did not give them my phone number, and I have never given them permission to call me. Even the person who called me today from Amvets said that other people were complaining about being called after asking not to be contacted. Amvets has a problem within their organization that needs to be fixed. And it makes me wonder, if they have these kinds of problems in one area of their organization, how many other problems do they have? Are the donations even doing any good?

As a result, I am asking everyone I know and everyone I can reach to stop donating to Amvets because by doing so, they are supporting an organization that harasses people and shows blatant disregard for the law. And if you aren't donating, you may not want to start. Once they get your phone number, they will never stop calling. Instead, please donate to someone else. There are many terrific charities out there who would gladly accept your support.

You may think I am calloused and maybe even evil by asking people not to support Amvets, but they are driving me crazy. Perhaps I have a low tolerance, I don't know. Regardless, it doesn't matter. The fact is that I asked them to stop calling and they didn't--and won't. Maybe if their donations suffer, they will care enough to fix the problems that they have with their organization.

Again, please support a worthy charity, not one that harasses potential donors like Amvets.

Thank you.

Faster than a Speeding Bullet

As you are probably aware, I fondly call my son the J Man as if he were a superhero. Well, yesterday Double O Daddy and I discovered just one more of his super powers (that is besides his uncanny ability to pull MacGyverisms and Houdini himself out of the high chair straps). We have come to realize that given the right code phrase, our precious J Man is faster than a speeding bullet. Now please note that it is only by using the proper code phrase that our little cherub is able to break the sound barrier. What is the secret phrase, you ask? "Let me check your diaper." (Of course I cannot help but chuckle as I type this.) As soon as I uttered that phrase, his cute little arms came up and he ran for the safety of the corner behind his bed as fast as his little legs could take him. As I began to laugh, I explained the situation to Double O while he was coming from the stairs, so he had to try it. Sure enough, with a puff of smoke, the boy took off for his favorite safety spot.

After trying it a couple more times, Double O Daddy decided to play with the boy and alter the code phrase a little. First he said, "Let me check your diamonds." The arms lifted and he took a step toward his hideout, but then he stopped. Then Double O said, "Let me check your diabetes." Again, the arms lifted and he took a step. Finally, he said, "Let me check your diaper!" and off he ran. Oh man, I absolutely love my kids!